Nate Fiala

I SEENT IT

2012-02-05T19:32:00.000-06:00

I saw a girl doing this last week, early on Sunday morning. I could have taken a pic, but didn't, so you're just gonna have to take my word for it that this drawing is accurate.

P.S. Teh superbowl is on and I liked Madonna's halftime show. Judge me if u want, h8rz gon h8, 'na mean?

My newest 'contribution' to society

2011-12-21T21:42:00.000-06:00

Yet another joke that one to two people in the world will understand. And there's a good chance even less will think it's funny.

YOU'RE WELCOME

PORN COACH

2011-10-24T23:49:00.002-05:00

So, I decided to post something that I won't delete after a week, but probably should, especially considering teh job and what not... But anyway, if the lame ass title with the weak ass 'Glory Hole' joke didn't work, I give you the PORN COACH, now in glorious color!

And, uh, yes, I am as terrible at computer coloring as I am at drawing, THX. I KNO! But has being bad at something ever stopped me before?

NEW T-SHIRTS!!1!!!!!

2011-08-27T20:48:00.000-05:00

To celebrate the eve of my birth, I've released some new t-shirts!!1!

These are both very much inside jokes that very few people, if anyone other than me, will understand. And that's fine. That's 'how I roll.' I'm used to it by now. Well, I better be, at least... You might wanna jump on the Whore Cruiser one before cafepress takes it down due to my failure to meet image guidelines / a cease and decist letter... You'll also notice, if you actually do want the tattoo shop tee, that there are two versions of the black one. The difference being that one should have the black lines printed on top of the black tee, and one doesn't. I've not seen either in real life, but I thought the black printing might make it POP a little more...

Once again, you can purchase these tees at...

http://www.cafepress.com/natefiala

Buy one, buy them all!!!!1!!!!

T-SHIRTS!!!1!!!!!1!!

2011-08-09T16:03:00.000-05:00

I've finally done yet another thing I've talked at length about doing, making t-shirts! It took a lot of trial and error, drawing and redrawing things, some photoshop learnin' too, but I've finally got a few up at...

http://www.cafepress.com/natefiala

They come in a variety of colors and styles! Check back as I'll be adding more! Buy early, buy often! BUY, BUY, BUY!!!!!1!!!!!1!!!

CONSUME MORE!

2011-07-22T17:57:00.000-05:00

Hey internetz peoples, I got another short story for sale digitally through Amazon's kindle service. You may have heard of it, it's called DICK & HEARL DO CAPITALISM!!1!!!!!! And for all you losers who don't have a kindle, you can still buy this and read it on your computer, smart phone, ipad, etc. etc!!!!1!!!!

I'll be honest, this is a story you actually can judge by its cover...

BUY IT NOW!!1!111!!!!! PITY ME!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!111!!!!!11

IT'S (technically) OFFICIAL!!!1!!!!1!!

2011-07-20T23:28:00.001-05:00

I am now a published author! Thanks to the power of amazon.com and the kindle, I have begun my writing career officially, offering one of my short stories, A Tragedy of Epic Proportions, for the low, low price of 99 cents. You can buy this story and read it on a variety of electronic devices, such as your ipad or smart phone. I also drew the cover, if you can't tell...
I'm such a fucking shill, aren't I? I have a few more short stories I'll publish this way before I unveil my full-length novel.

You may have also noticed I have learned how to digitally color my lineart, which has been a nice diversion lately...

Be on the look out for more shit to buy from me, such as more ebooks and t-shirts!

"Look at me now! I'm gettin' served papers!"

2011-07-20T08:55:00.000-05:00

This is my second, and final, stand-up appearance at the Brass Rail. Special thanks to my buddy Briney for filming it for me. It's dark as hell and you can't see me at all, but my license ran out on my video-editing software I downloaded for free, and no one really wants to see my fat ass bobbing around anyway, so here it is, as good as it gets. I think it's a hell of a lot better than my first routine, right? RIGHT?

Also, I'm glad I wasn't really paying attention at the time, and it's probably my own fault as I most likely got really drunk and told this guy exactly what I thought about him, but the incessent hecklers are none other than the infamous Rude Broz ((c) copyright 2011 Nate Fiala), most vocally Travis.

I first met Travis on a Mother's Day when he was still passed out on my porch at 2:30 in the afternoon. I stepped over his wino-ass again, unmoved, two hours later. Since then, we'd hang out off and on when he wasn't intent on being a total douche music snob every waking moment of his wasted life. For someone as into music as much as he claims to be, he sure hates every band that anyone's ever listened to. He's so underground he doesn't even LIKE music!

Yes, I could bitch all day about my years of dealing with this dickhead, how he's got a kid he doesn't pay child support on, how he can't hold down even a menial cooking job without getting fired, and how he's failed at everything in life, even commiting suicide. (I'd add that he lives at home with his parents, but the glass houses and the stone-throwing and what have you...) But, who cares? At least I'll never have to see his dumb ass ever again. And he has been inspirational... or an example of what NOT to do with your life... or maybe just an easy target...

I have a few new things in the works. I know I say that all the time but this time I mean it, for realz. There will also be a slight site redesign before too long and hopefully some links to stuff you can pay me moneyz for.

How to embarrass yourself in public!

2011-06-03T19:24:00.000-05:00

So, there was an open mic night at the bar I frequent, and I, just for the hell of it, wrote a stand-up comedy routine a few months ago, and these two moments in time collided to create... this fucking mess. What a TERRIBLE idea... well, terrible execution, at least. I'm actually REALLY glad I recorded my performance (actually, my friend Ashley filmed this for me, thank you very much), because YES, it is TERRIBLE. BUT... I do feel it's not quite as bad as I thought it was, while I was doing it.

I had to take speech classes and was an 'actor' in a few 'plays' in high school and 'college' (and the quote marks don't really mean PORNO) and, for whatever reason, thought I was actually kind of good at it. And, well, if I was, that skill has atrophied big time, as I was, once again, obviously terrible. Big time fail.

BUT... I see a SHIT-TON of things I would correct if I were to do this again. The BIGGEST being, yes, I had a routine, but I didn't rehearse it in the way that I should have... When I was an 'actor,' I got to the point where, after a few rehearsals, I had somehow already 'memorized' my script before everyone else. Really, what I did was just put my character's dialogue into my own words. And nobody really noticed or cared. I 'tried' to do that with this too, make it conversational, casual, but I quickly learned the hard way this is not how comedy works. Good comedy is about very specific words and phrases and delivery. I had an idea of what I wanted to say, but it didn't work how I would have liked. Needed to practice WAY more.

Also fidgeted, did weird, unintentional arm movements and said very annoying things like 'uh' and, worst of fucking all, I kept saying 'RIGHT?' after like, basically, every punchline, which is TERRIBLE! It's literally asking your audience if they agree with you, and guess what, if they're not fucking laughing, they don't.

MUMBLER! MUMBLER! I fucking hate myself sometimes... I had NO IDEA I was a fucking mumbler until this fucking video. Why has no one ever told me? And yeah, I know the audio is terrible on this, but you can't tell me I'm not fucking mumbling WAY too much.

And, actually, believe this or not, but I kept pacing back and forth as part of my 'act,' like Mitch Hedberg's stage presence and, yeah, didn't fucking work.

There's a MILLION things wrong with this, and call me a glutton for punishment, but I'd actually do this again. Nervousness killed me the most, but since I've observed my fat ugly ass failing at this already, I can only go up from here. It's actually a kind of 'high,' the anticipation of getting your script put together, the nervousness, and then, best of all, actually just doing it. This may be due to bad promotion / word of mouth / no one knowing it was going on, but for a town that's got all these wanna be rockers in it, I figured at least a few of them would do this. AND I WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO DID OPEN MIC. Which sucks because somebody was actually trying something different and since there was obviously no interest, except from my dumb ass, I'll probably never get the chance to do this again.

This story is probably, to me at least, funnier than my routine, but that day, I kind of went over my act and re-wrote it a bit and basically came up with the best part, "Is tit fucking really just called tit fucking?" that day. And I didn't have anything to drink before I did my thing, I actually didn't drink at all last night, and as I'm sitting there, drinking water, waiting for these guys to get everything set up, more and more people came in. And you'd think this would be a good thing... until I saw a good chunk of them were women and I realize, as I'm going over my act in my head, that saying 'tit fucking' is probably REALLY offensive to them. And then, as I'm still sitting there, being all nervous, I've got my glasses off even, and I look and see a blurry silhouette of a chick with GI-NORMO thingies. Everyone knows I'm into big boobs, and I try not to be too obvious about it in public, but holy shit, this chick had big tits and I had to do a double take. Then, after my act, I noticed she was now wearing a hoodie. In doors. In 80 degree weather. I should have given her my fucking phone number.

And, uh, yeah, duh, the Dexter joke was a gigantic turd in the punch bowl. BUT, I do love that joke so much. Done well, and not done as a closer, it may still have life one day... probably not though...

But yeah, there you go.

"You're a better person when you wear a hat."

2010-11-25T21:42:00.000-06:00

This was a lot funnier at the time, but it still holds up pretty well, it's gotta be used in the right context, might not be t-shirt material. Although, I see it being very good for t-shirts in that, if it caught on, there would be a lot of variants, like a stalking cap, a rastifarian hat, a yamaka, a turbin, a condom, a police hat, all kinds of different head pieces...

copyright (c) 2010 Travis Ruder & Nate Fiala

Drawlin's n Fotoshop Phuckery

2010-07-05T02:24:00.006-05:00

This blog is boring with all these long blocks of text that no one reads, so let's take a visual trip down memory lane...

You 'member in Grand Theft Auto 3 when your health would be way down and the cops were right on your ass and all you needed was to steal a car and speed off, just to have a second to punch in the health cheat? Yeah, that's the ONLY time you'd steal this car...

If you've ever heard me say, as I'm leaving, "Audi Gondola 5000," well, now I hope you get it...

So, uh, yeah... one time I saw a license plate that said 'GONE FISHING.' And THIS popped into my head...

This meme had a LOT more power about two years ago...

Oh, workin' at THE CALL CENTER sucked balls... I'd tell you the name of the place, but I know a lot of people who work there have nothing better to do than dick off on teh intarwub for, well, the rest of their fucking lives, looking for shit like this so they can send 'cease and decist' letters. Because we wear collared shirts and what we do is important. I call this one LOLDave.

Also, workin' at WHORE CRUISER, uh, I mean, SORE LOSER, sucked balls as well. At least there I could wear what I wanted and say 'fuck' a lot... I originally drew this pic based on a pic this dude wanted as a tattoo. And this guy WOULD NOT GET that Lee was NOT gonna draw it up until it was time to put it on him, that's just how he works. So, to appease the guy, to keep him from calling in day after day to make sure there was a sketch of the tattoo already, I drew this up.

Can someone tell me which version of this drawing is MORE offensive? Because I'm going with THAT one...

I call this drawing the SIX EYED SPACE FROG.

When I worked at THE CALL CENTER, I didn't get this call, but some dude called in and said he wanted to make sure all the porn was off his computer because his grandkids were gonna be using it. But he said the porn was for RESEARCH because he made paintings of naked women with teeth in their vagina's. I thought it was a pretty cool story, so there you go... Also, check out phonetrace.org sometime... that shit is LEGIT.

For your viewing pleasure... KID HITLER!!1!!!

2010-05-23T18:20:00.002-05:00

Batman Sketches

2010-05-18T22:01:00.001-05:00

Batman is copyright (c) DC Entertainment 2010. Artwork is copyright (c) Nate Fiala 2010.

Iron Man Sketch

2010-05-17T23:11:00.002-05:00

Iron Man (c) copyright Marvel Entertainment 2010. Artwork (c) copyright Nate Fiala 2010.

Frank Frazetta Tribute

2010-05-12T02:59:00.005-05:00

I don't have anything to say about Frank Frazetta that hasn't already been said better by REAL artists. He was obviously a master painter who not only created some classic and iconic artwork, but many elements of his art have been swiped so many times, they have transcended Frazetta and become part of art itself...

Death befalls us all, I hope his was painless and he had no regrets in life. He certainly created enough paintings that he shouldn't have felt that he wasted his time.

P.S. AND... you can see why I don't really color anything... also, BRONAN is (c) copyright Nate Fiala 2010.

PORN FIGHT

2010-04-22T22:04:00.007-05:00

Here it is, finally, the jpegs that constitute my minicomic are here, for teh intarwubs to consume and enjoy. I was GOING to put it into a PDF so you ravenous mongrels couldn't bastardize my art into your own, but fuck it, I'm lazy. And like you were really gonna steal my art anyway... So here it is. Click to enlarge and enjoy!

Internet Infatuation Syndrome

2010-04-06T17:39:00.004-05:00

So, if you've read this blog at all, you're probably thinking, "For a guy that says he's a better writer than an artist, he sure posts a lot of sketches..." And that's because it's a hell of a lot easier to get someone to simply LOOK at an image (not that anyone is coming to this site anyway) than to actively read text... I mean, it take a lot longer to discern if reading is going to be as enjoyable or as easy as simply looking at something... but I digress...

ANYWAY, a lot of what I do, as a writer, isn't necessarily sitting in front of a keyboard, staring at a blinking cursor on a blank, white screen. I THINK about things, sometimes weird things, like how we, the royal we, we as a society, make up a medical excuse for everything now a days.

"Oh, wifey, I'm SO sorry I was banging random chicks without condoms, I just couldn't help myself... But I think I'm a sex addict! And if I go to 'treatment,' well, you'd be a heartless bitch to divorce me and take half of everything I've got, because I couldn't control myself! Look, it's medical, it's documented, it's SCIENCE!!!1!!"

This is all beside my point, actually, but, it's along these sort of lines...

I'm sure practically EVERYONE in the modern world now knows, if they haven't themselves, someone who has hooked up with someone they met on the internet. Maybe you know someone who has moved across the fucking country to be with this person, only to, as everyone who knows the person could have guessed, move back in less than six months because they figured out that moving in with a virtual soulmate is probably pretty close to moving in with a complete stranger whose only commonality with you is an inability to interact with the rest of society like a normal human being, if not the exact same thing. (Did that make sense?) And... I mean, there's gotta be an emerging cause for this, right? A MEDICAL reason, an OCD or something similar, perhaps? (I'm just the idea guy, I don't know all this doctor shit)

And now I finally get to what I'm writing about... I've googled this the TINIEST bit and not found what I'm looking for, but that may be due to the fact that I just don't know the proper nomenclature for it, but when, not really 'if,' moving in with your internet lovah becomes some medical thing we can point our finger at instead of just the bad decisions of immature, young adults, if it has not been named already, I give you, INTERNET INFATUATION SYNDROME!!!!!

There's gotta be some money in this shit, right? Can you copyright medical illnesses?

And... one day I'll probably expand on the idea and put it in this sci-fi book I'm writing about health care. But, this is how writing works for me... weird ideas bouncing around in my head, pinballing, picking up speed, and probably entertaining only to me...

INTERNET INFATUATION SYNDROME is copyright Nate Fiala 2010

HOLLA IF YOU A BALLA!

2010-03-30T21:41:00.008-05:00

Here's a weird sketch I did today. Weird in that I don't give a shit about basketball.

Here's some figure sketching. I'm starting to get WAY better at drawing hands, feeling much more confident about that...

Here's an old man's face. I'm starting to like my looser 'sketchy' style a lot better than I used to.

Some faces and an aforementioned hand.

BEWARE THE VOMITEER!!!1!!1!!

2010-03-20T02:59:00.000-05:00

I've been sad since I've returned to the toilet of the midwest, Hays, Kansas. Back to my shit job and apartment. I was morose about it at first, but I've since returned to my normal way of life. The weather got bad here today; rain / sleet most of the day, then around 4 it turned to real snow and got windier.

But anyway, to commemorate my discontent with my return, I have redrawn a dumb, throwaway sort of character, the Vomiteer! He can puke on you if he wants! The idea came from some obvious wordplay with the word 'volunteer' and my thoughts on that... He's kind of like Butthead from 'Beavis and Butthead' and every comic would start with a current figure in pop culture pontificating... everyone knows he's full of shit. And then the Vomiteer comes and pukes on him. For instance, a strip would go like this...

Tiger Woods is standing at a podium, talking about how sorry he is that he banged all those chicks...

Tiger continues as the Vomiteer enters the scene...

Then the Vomiteer hearls on Tiger and is completely embarrassed in public.

Pretty lame, I know, but I might do a strip or two with him at some point just for the hell of it.

The Vomiteer is copyright Nathan Fiala 2010.